You’re at a dinner party chatting with a friend. You remember that this friend is a lawyer, and you just so happen to be moving in with a new partner and considering a cohabitation agreement. You decide to ask your friend if she thinks it would be a good idea to sign an agreement, given that you own your own business and your new partner has three rental properties.

It’s understandable; legal questions often seem small or straightforward, and it seems excessive to make an appointment with a lawyer, and pay for that appointment, just to get an answer for what you think is a simple question.

However, for your lawyer friend, the question is anything but simple. The moment a lawyer gives legal advice to a person, the lawyer takes on a whole host of responsibilities and duties, which will be enforced by the Law Society should anything go awry. Asking a lawyer to “just answer one question” is a like asking a doctor to stitch you up after you’ve removed your own appendix; it is messy and everyone risks all kinds of unpleasant consequences. So if your lawyer friend slinks out of room or awkwardly changes the subject, you know why.

This doesn’t mean you can’t ever ask your lawyer friends and family members about the law, but you do need to consider what you are asking. A request for a referral to a good lawyer working in the right field is perfectly fine. Similarly, questions about how to access publicly available legal resources are generally safe, or even general questions about how the law treats certain subjects. It’s when your questions veer into how the law applies to your situation that your lawyer friend will begin to sweat.

You can also ask if you can visit your friend during work hours to officially seek legal advice, although be aware that some lawyers choose not to represent family or friends and will refer you elsewhere. Lawyers have a duty to act objectively when serving clients, and this can be difficult to do with a friend or family member, so don’t be offended if your best friend or cousin refers you to someone else.

So before you start discussing your legal problem with your lawyer friend, consider what you are actually asking from them. You may also want to consider that they might prefer not to be discussing work on their off time. Instead, ignore your mother’s advice and stick to discussing religion, sex, and politics at dinner parties.